Find Your Ass by VaccaD

Champion(s):

LujanP
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!


Runner(s)-Up:

creedofhubris


Quiz Description

From the clues given, find your ass.

The rules for this quiz are slightly different from the Alpaca Farm standard. In addition to the standard "brain and pencil and paper", you are allowed to use the following additional outside resources: both hands, and a map. (The map at http://www.worldpress.org/images/maps/world_600w.gif, to be precise. Other maps are not allowed.)

Full Results:

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1 LujanP 461 99 15
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2 creedofhubris 427 97 15
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3 ShapiroA 407 96 00
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4 EggCzar 393 94 00
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5 NullDiggity 386 93 15
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6 RautY 383 91 15
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7 VenguswamyK 379 90 15
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8 WareD 376 88 15
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9 UllspergerA 361 87 15
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10 KreitzerJ 340 85 15
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11 Cnoocy 326 83 15
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11 AdamKing 326 83 15
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13 quarterrican 325 81 15
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14 WangS 319 79 15
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14 NathanL 319 79 15
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16 DreyfusB 316 76 15
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17 Steve 307 75 15
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18 BringMoreLegos 305 73 15
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19 LuskT 303 72 15
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20 Vintsanity 297 70 15
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21 GoodmanDL 296 69 15
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22 flutist319 283 67 15
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23 AmmermanA 282 66 15
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24 IyerM 280 64 00
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25 rouquinne 277 62 15
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25 Projectyl 277 62 15
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27 KitchenB 274 60 15
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28 Erica 272 58 15
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29 Troydozzy 271 57 00
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30 CorrinL 265 55 15
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31 RabinK 258 54 15
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32 capitalr 250 52 15
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33 BradburnA 247 51 15
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34 Longford 246 50 15
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35 apeekrtr 240 48 15
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36 Michalle 235 47 15
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37 GrahamJ 229 44 15
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37 coloccit 229 44 15
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39 randalleng 228 42 15
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40 ZhangM 227 41 15
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41 MatchenD 226 38 00
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41 PipkeR 226 38 15
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43 SeigelK 221 35 15
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43 SaferMR 221 35 15
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43 HardingK 221 35 15
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46 MoyseyC 220 32 15
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47 KearnsT 215 30 15
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48 ArunH 212 29 00
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49 CapellanC 199 27 15
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50 DFisher 198 24 15
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50 DoyleE 198 24 15
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50 cruzich 198 24 15
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53 BruceM 197 20 15
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53 WeinbergD 197 20 15
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55 Vendy12 194 18 15
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56 SpraragenM 187 17 15
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57 Zamikaze 174 15 15
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58 akambour 161 14 15
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59 RobinJRichards 159 12 15
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60 BednarczukJ 155 11 15
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61 grnwaz 150 9 15
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62 LashleyM 146 8 15
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63 ToporoffS 123 6 15
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64 KPope 114 4 15
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64 DouglasLovesVixey 114 4 15
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66 JonesRW 72 2 15
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67 HoH 71 1 15
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Questions:

If your ass is animated, named "Donkey", and sounds suspiciously like Eddie Murphy, it's traveling with an ogre named Shrek in an attempt to rescue WHAT PRINCESS from a fire-breathing dragon?

Click to Reveal Answer
FIONA

If your ass is underneath Jesus Christ on the occasion of Jesus's triumphal entrance into Jerusalem, you'd want to look for it on the occasion of WHAT MOVEABLE CHRISTIAN FEAST?

Click to Reveal Answer
PALM SUNDAY

If your ass is appearing on Broadway underneath Sancho Panza, you should look for it in the cast of WHAT MUSICAL, which first came to Broadway in 1965 and is known for the song "The Impossible Dream"?

Click to Reveal Answer
MAN OF LA MANCHA

If your ass is actually Jack-Ass, an alternative rock hit of 1997, you can find it on WHAT 1996 album, the second studio album and fifth overall from Beck?

Click to Reveal Answer
ODELAY

If your ass is named Benjamin and was voiced by Maurice Denham in a 1954 animated classic (or in a 1999 made-for-TV version by Pete Postelthwaite, who also voiced Farmer Jones), it can be found on WHAT RURAL HOMESTEAD? (You probably don't need to hurry; as it often opines, "Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey", and nothing ever changes anyway.)

Click to Reveal Answer
ANIMAL FARM (or Manor Farm)

If your ass is the symbol of the Democratic Party, you might look for it in the pages of Harper's Weekly, where WHAT ARTIST popularized the use of the donkey to represent the Democrats? (The same artist originated the use of the elephant to represent the GOP, although the donkey as a symbol for the Democrats predates him.)

Click to Reveal Answer
THOMAS NAST

If your ass is beneath a fat and bearded satyr named Silenus, you might look for it in the company of WHAT OLYMPIAN GOD, traditionally identified as Silenus's student and/or foster son? Silenus was often depicted as riding a donkey, and as much older than the other members of the god's retinue such as the Maenads.

Click to Reveal Answer
DIONYSUS

If your ass is named Proshka, you might look for it in the company of WHAT RUSSIAN POLITICIAN, the leader of the far-right Liberal Democratic Party? In 2012, while running against Vladimir Putin, he made a campaign commercial in the back yard of his dacha in which a donkey named Proshka was unable to pull a sleigh until he whipped it into shape - with an actual whip.

Click to Reveal Answer
VLADIMIR ZHIRINOVSKY

If your ass is found in Numbers 22:21-33, you'd look for it in the presence of WHAT DIVINER? (And if this is your ass you should be careful how you treat it, as the Angel of the Lord granted it the power of speech in Numbers 22:28, making it the only talking animal in the Bible other than the serpent.)

Click to Reveal Answer
BALAAM

If your ass is named Lucius, and is actually a Roman from Numidia transformed into a donkey in a bungled attempt to magically transform himself into a bird, you should look for it in the pages of The Golden Ass (the only complete surviving Ancient Roman novel) by WHAT AUTHOR?

Click to Reveal Answer
APULEIUS (Lucius Apuleius Madaurensis)

If your ass is a well-meaning but simple-minded talking donkey named Puzzle who's been duped by a greedy and ambitious ape named Shift, it can be found in WHAT C.S. LEWIS NOVEL, the final installment in the Chronicles of Narnia series?

Click to Reveal Answer
THE LAST BATTLE

If your ass is a weaver with just the head of a donkey, you might look for it in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, where WHAT AMATEUR ACTOR is so transformed by Puck? (His name is particularly appropriate for this quiz.)

Click to Reveal Answer
NICK BOTTOM