Jon Bois: A National Treasure by kanyewesteros

Champion(s):

BarkerC
"We fight for better days."


Runner(s)-Up:

CarterBurke
Maybe we can build a fire, sing a couple of songs, huh? Why don't we try that?


Quiz Description

The recent Electoral College One-Day referenced a Jon Bois article. A LLama commented on the recap "Jon Bois is a national treasure." He is a national treasure. If you love him even a tenth as much as I do, you'll enjoy this quiz. If you don't...my god, read his writing. He's a truly special writer.

Full Results:

Rank Player Total %ile 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
Money Value (% Incorrect): 67 34 39 72 53 86 72 77 99 43 34 29 91 77 58
1 BarkerC 738 97 30
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2 CarterBurke 681 92 00
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3 occultatio 642 88 30
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4 Abhi 585 83 30
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5 MattK 545 78 30
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6 HightB 504 73 00
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7 DaveProvost 479 69 30
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8 IvixorB 459 64 00
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9 Ruwisc 446 59 30
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10 SingerJ2 443 54 00
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11 ZhangM 413 50 30
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12 LackC 402 45 00
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13 LevineZ 343 40 00
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14 HoH 332 35 00
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15 BruceM 225 30 00
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16 Vintsanity 211 26 00
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17 KleinJ 196 21 00
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18 RalliP 192 16 00
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19 VenguswamyK 88 9 00
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19 BringMoreLegos 88 9 00
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21 DouglasLovesVixey 0 2 00
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Questions:

WHAT INANE BUT ACCURATE PHRASE did Jon Bois coin to reference the clutch abilities of Tom Brady?

Click to Reveal Answer
"Never Count Out Touchdown Tom"

WHAT INVENTED TERM does Jon Bois use for a football score that has never happened before?

Click to Reveal Answer
Scorigami

Jon Bois's Breaking Madden series began with WHAT FICTIONAL MAN, a very short (but very round) quarterback who has played for the Jacksonville Jaguars, New York Jets, and several other franchises?

Click to Reveal Answer
Clarence BEEFTANK

The current location of Jon Bois's writing is a subsite of SB Nation known as WHAT? The logo is a brontosaurus, but the title refers to a different animal entirely.

Click to Reveal Answer
A Huge Dog

Jon Bois tweets the same phrase, once a week, on a specific day of the week, and has been doing so since 2014. WHAT IS THAT PHRASE?

Click to Reveal Answer
"Welcome To College Football Saturday"

In All Is Lost, the first series finale of NBA Y2K, Jon Bois destroyed the NBA by filling its draft classes with horrible players until the league was an unwatchable mess. WHAT TWO MEN (who played basketball at the same college) were the last remaining real NBA players?

Click to Reveal Answer
Anthony Davis, Nerlens Noel

One of my favorite Jon Bois articles is called "ARE YOU THAT STUPID." It is about Gordon Ramsay and a phenomenally arrogant and stupid man named Joe Nagy. ON WHAT TELEVISION PROGRAM, broadcast from 2007-2014, did these two men interact?

Click to Reveal Answer
Kitchen Nightmares

WHAT WEBSITE, named after a line from Calvin and Hobbes and now folded under the SB Nation umbrella, once held the writings of people such as Jon Bois, Brandon Stroud, and Bill Hanstock?

Click to Reveal Answer
Progressive Boink

The Tim Tebow CFL Chronicles, written by Jon Bois in 2014, is unlike any other piece of writing that I have ever seen. Seriously, I cannot even begin to describe it. If you haven't read it, go read it. In the novella, Tim Tebow plays for the Toronto Argonauts. Some other members of his team are fictional characters, but some are real. NAME ANY TWO OF THE FIVE REAL FORMER NFL PLAYERS PROMINENTLY MENTIONED ON THE TEAM, which include a running back, two wide receivers, a kicker, and a punter.

Click to Reveal Answer
Natrone Means, Freddie Mitchell, Dante Hall, Todd Pederson, Chris Gardocki

In 2016, Jon Bois wrote much less, spending more time on a webseries he produced, directed, starred in, narrated, etc. WHAT IS THE NAME OF THAT WEBSERIES, which focuses on interesting events that Jon wants to talk about (usually involving sports, but not always)

Click to Reveal Answer
Pretty Good

WHAT RETAIL STORE did Jon Bois once work at for several years? He has written about it on several occasions, including a series of vignettes he called a eulogy in 2014?

Click to Reveal Answer
Radio Shack

Many of Jon Bois's tweets have made reference to "Dabo Swinney and his boys down in the swamp." TO WHAT COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM does that refer?

Click to Reveal Answer
Clemson

Jon Bois and fellow SB Nation writer Ryan Nanni hosted a podcast between 2014 and 2015. WHAT WAS THE SPORTS-RELATED NAME OF THAT PODCAST?

Click to Reveal Answer
Punt Brothers

In a truly bizarre standalone piece of writing from 2013, Jon Bois wrote an article in the second person about you (the reader) going over to an NBA player's apartment and having a thoroughly mediocre and bizarre time, involving a poor beer selection, undercooked meat, and a Road To Perdition game DVD. WHICH NBA PLAYER was featured in this article, a guard who has played for (among other teams) the Nets and Rockets?

Click to Reveal Answer
Jeremy Lin

In late 2014, Jon Bois created a twitter account, gave the password out publicly, and chronicled the chaos that ensued. The title "Nothing Gold Can Stay: In Pursuit Of The Best Sports Account On Twitter" refers to a poem by WHAT AMERICAN POET, published in the Yale Review in 1923?

Click to Reveal Answer
Robert Frost