Dad Jokes by WilesB

Champion(s):

KaufmanK


Runner(s)-Up:

DiGeorgeL
It's not worth winning if you can't win big!


Quiz Description

WARNING: DO NOT PLAY THIS QUIZ. This quiz is designed to cause either immense frustration, or immense psychic pain. The more answers you get right, the more agonized groaning you can expect. Get 12/12 and friends/loved ones/co-workers may think you're passing a kidney stone. You have been warned. Every answer is the punchline to a Dad Joke of varying levels of infamy. Very little actual knowledge is needed for this quiz. You will need a little bit of lateral thinking and a lot of endurance. If you choose to play this quiz, you absolve the writer and the website of any liability for physical and/or psychic injury incurred in so doing. Answers are less "precisely-pinned trivia questions" and more "vaguely-associated punchlines." It will help you do well in this quiz if you are a Dad, or have a Dad, or read a lot of Laffy Taffy wrappers. And if you win, you will get no prize other than the eternal scorn of everyone you repeat these questions to. So play it if you must. But I advise against it.

Full Results:

Rank Player Total %ile 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Money Value (% Incorrect): 03 15 09 20 02 26 05 32 73 22 16 31
1 KaufmanK 364 99 15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
15
32
15
73
15
22
15
15
31
2 DiGeorgeL 348 98 15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
15
15
73
15
22
15
16
15
31
3 LoveF 343 98 15
00
15
15
20
15
15
15
15
32
15
73
15
22
15
15
31
4 PahuskiM 339 97 15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
15
73
15
15
15
31
5 WolfischL 338 96 15
15
15
15
15
15
15
15
15
32
15
73
15
22
15
16
15
6 Projectyl 335 95 15
15
15
15
15
20
15
15
15
15
15
73
15
15
16
15
31
7 PriceG 334 94 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
15
73
15
15
15
31
8 jefe 326 94 15
15
15
15
15
20
15
15
15
15
15
73
15
22
15
16
15
9 LuskT 325 93 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
15
32
15
73
15
15
15
31
10 PopielinskiL 324 92 15
00
15
15
15
00
15
15
32
15
73
15
22
15
16
15
31
10 KimberlinM 324 92 15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
15
73
15
15
16
15
12 ZellwegerS 321 90 15
15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
05
15
15
73
15
22
15
15
13 Adam 315 90 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
15
15
73
15
22
15
15
31
14 CraneN 312 89 15
15
15
15
15
15
02
15
26
15
15
15
73
15
15
16
15
15 WeaverR 304 88 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
00
15
15
73
00
15
15
31
15 EdwardsT 304 88 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
15
73
15
15
16
00
17 DixonD 294 86 15
15
15
15
15
20
15
15
15
15
32
15
15
15
16
15
31
18 Pelc 292 86 15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
19 LongD 285 85 15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
32
15
15
22
15
16
15
20 letouj 283 84 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
15
15
22
15
15
31
20 Tablesaw 283 84 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
15
15
32
15
15
15
16
15
31
22 FrostL 281 82 15
00
15
15
20
15
02
00
15
05
15
15
73
15
15
15
31
23 rstrata 279 82 15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
15
15
32
00
15
22
15
15
31
24 McGeeDean 278 80 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
32
15
15
15
16
15
24 CondonNJ1 278 80 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
05
15
15
73
00
00
15
26 PlotkinD 276 79 15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
00
15
22
15
15
31
27 WellsW 275 78 15
15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
27 EmilyT 275 78 15
15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
27 RustySpork 275 78 15
15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
00
15
15
22
15
16
15
31
30 SchroederS 273 76 15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
15
15
22
15
16
15
31 BenjaminJ 270 75 15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
15
22
15
16
15
32 SlickRick87 269 75 15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
33 barandall800 268 74 15
03
15
15
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
15
22
15
15
34 Commodore 266 73 15
15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
15
00
15
15
31
35 PalmiterA 264 72 15
15
15
15
15
15
15
15
05
15
32
00
15
15
16
15
31
35 NathanL 264 72 15
15
15
15
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
37 DuffyM 262 70 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
15
05
15
15
15
22
15
15
31
37 GhostsDaddy 262 70 15
15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
15
15
00
15
22
15
15
31
37 SteevesR 262 70 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
15
15
16
15
31
40 Mollmw 258 67 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
15
00
15
15
22
15
16
15
31
40 OrrenH 258 67 15
15
15
15
15
20
15
15
15
05
15
00
15
22
15
15
31
40 RoseM 258 67 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
43 brando3429 256 66 15
15
15
15
15
00
15
05
15
32
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
44 Vintsanity 255 64 15
00
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
15
22
15
16
15
44 CorriereC 255 64 15
15
15
09
00
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
15
22
00
15
31
44 dinghammer 255 64 15
03
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
15
15
32
00
15
15
15
31
47 AmmermanA 254 63 15
15
15
15
15
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
00
00
15
15
31
48 GrossB 253 61 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
48 DoyleE 253 61 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
00
00
15
22
15
15
31
50 Nuklhd 252 60 15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
05
15
00
15
15
16
15
31
50 BradsDad 252 60 15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
15
05
00
15
15
22
15
15
31
52 Sijnaanik 250 59 15
15
15
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
00
15
22
15
00
53 WangA 247 57 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
00
15
16
15
31
53 HittM 247 57 15
15
15
15
09
15
20
15
00
15
15
00
15
22
15
15
31
55 GrahamJ 246 56 15
15
15
15
15
15
02
15
26
15
00
00
15
22
15
15
31
56 VenguswamyK 244 55 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
15
32
00
15
22
15
16
15
57 LanceJ 243 54 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
57 JonesRW 243 54 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
15
00
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
59 ConnorA 242 53 15
15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
00
15
22
15
00
59 quarterrican 242 53 15
15
15
00
00
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
15
15
15
16
15
61 SpoeriJ 241 51 15
03
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
00
00
15
22
15
15
31
62 FryedBetaKappa 237 50 15
00
15
15
15
02
15
15
15
32
00
00
15
22
15
15
31
62 SpencerJ2 237 50 00
15
15
15
00
15
02
15
15
15
32
00
15
22
15
15
31
64 goroshnik 236 49 15
03
15
15
09
15
15
15
15
05
15
32
00
15
22
15
15
64 HensleyB 236 49 15
15
15
09
00
00
15
15
26
15
05
15
15
15
15
15
31
66 cruzich 232 47 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
15
05
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
66 RobinJRichards 232 47 15
15
15
15
15
20
15
15
26
15
05
00
00
15
00
15
31
68 SussmanM 231 46 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
00
00
15
15
31
68 leonard55 231 46 15
15
15
15
15
02
15
26
15
05
15
32
00
15
15
16
00
70 claysonh 230 44 15
15
15
15
15
15
26
00
00
00
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
71 WeikleB 228 44 15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
05
00
00
15
22
00
15
31
72 SingerJ2 227 42 15
00
15
09
15
20
15
15
15
15
32
00
00
00
15
15
31
72 mellyjo 227 42 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
05
15
32
00
00
15
15
31
72 KaneMH 227 42 15
15
15
00
15
20
15
15
26
15
15
00
00
00
15
15
31
75 FultonE 226 40 15
03
15
15
15
15
20
15
00
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
75 SegalP 226 40 15
03
15
15
09
00
15
00
15
05
15
15
73
00
15
16
00
75 AdamKing 226 40 15
15
15
15
09
00
15
15
15
05
15
15
00
15
16
15
31
78 LewandowskiMJ 225 38 15
15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
15
15
00
00
15
15
16
15
79 jonah 223 37 15
15
15
09
00
15
15
26
15
15
00
00
15
22
00
15
31
80 Hupfen 221 36 15
15
15
00
15
15
02
00
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
81 Danielle 217 36 15
03
15
15
00
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
00
82 WareD 216 35 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
15
00
00
00
15
16
15
83 IrwinK 215 34 15
03
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
15
00
15
22
00
15
31
84 Hawklaw 214 33 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
02
15
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
00
85 DosRemediosA 212 32 15
15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
26
15
00
00
15
22
00
00
85 WeaverL 212 32 15
03
00
15
09
00
15
15
26
15
15
32
00
15
22
15
00
85 Makdeezy 212 32 15
15
15
15
09
00
15
15
26
15
05
15
00
15
22
15
00
88 chc 208 30 15
15
15
15
09
00
15
15
26
15
00
00
15
22
15
16
00
89 OBrienJ 207 29 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
15
32
00
00
00
15
16
15
90 Matto 206 28 15
00
15
15
20
15
02
15
26
15
00
00
15
22
15
16
00
90 WeinbergJ 206 28 15
15
15
15
09
15
20
15
15
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
00
92 Tarn 201 27 15
15
15
15
15
15
02
15
26
00
00
00
15
22
15
16
00
93 usuiw 200 25 15
03
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
00
93 RuizJ 200 25 15
15
15
00
15
20
15
02
15
26
00
15
32
00
15
00
00
93 KreitzerJ 200 25 15
03
15
15
15
09
00
15
00
15
00
00
15
22
15
15
31
96 BradburnA 199 23 15
00
00
15
20
15
00
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
16
15
31
96 PolinskyL 199 23 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
02
00
15
15
00
15
22
15
16
00
98 Bix32 198 21 15
03
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
05
00
00
15
15
15
31
98 wheelz 198 21 15
00
15
00
15
15
26
15
05
15
00
00
00
15
16
15
31
98 RaiaB 198 21 15
00
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
16
00
101 randalleng 197 19 15
15
15
15
09
00
15
15
26
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
00
101 LiptonM 197 19 15
15
15
15
09
00
15
15
26
15
05
00
15
15
22
00
00
103 HatfieldS 191 18 15
15
15
15
09
00
15
15
26
15
05
15
00
00
15
16
00
104 Bloo 188 17 15
03
15
15
00
00
00
15
26
15
15
32
00
15
22
00
00
105 GaddCAnastasia 181 17 15
03
15
15
15
15
15
00
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
16
00
106 Sharpj 180 15 15
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
05
15
00
00
00
00
15
31
106 ReinholdH 180 15 15
03
15
15
09
00
00
15
15
26
15
00
15
15
22
00
00
108 LinB 179 14 15
03
15
15
15
09
00
15
00
15
00
00
00
15
16
15
31
109 Rebecca 178 13 15
03
15
15
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
05
00
00
00
00
15
110 Alex 175 13 15
15
15
00
00
15
02
15
26
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
00
111 MangaserA 174 12 15
03
15
15
15
09
15
15
00
15
05
15
00
15
22
00
00
112 AllenJ 173 11 15
15
15
15
09
00
15
02
15
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
00
113 MrObvious 171 10 15
03
15
00
15
20
15
00
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
16
00
113 FrankensteinP 171 10 15
15
15
15
09
15
20
15
02
00
15
05
00
00
15
00
15
115 HurleyH 166 9 15
15
15
09
00
15
00
15
05
00
00
00
00
15
16
15
31
116 colonialrampage 164 8 15
03
00
15
09
15
20
15
00
15
05
00
00
15
22
15
00
117 dragonfly 160 7 15
00
00
15
09
15
15
15
26
15
05
00
00
00
00
15
15
118 musicguy595 154 6 00
00
00
15
20
15
00
15
05
15
32
00
15
22
00
00
00
119 cbec 148 5 15
00
15
09
00
15
02
15
26
15
05
00
00
00
15
16
00
120 Shosin 137 5 15
03
15
15
15
09
00
00
15
15
15
05
00
00
15
00
00
121 HallR 133 4 15
03
15
15
15
09
00
15
00
15
00
00
00
00
15
16
00
122 BClemens 128 3 00
00
00
15
09
15
15
02
15
26
00
00
00
00
15
16
00
123 ElendilPickle 125 2 15
03
15
15
09
00
15
02
00
15
05
00
00
00
15
16
00
124 MoyseyC 121 1 15
15
15
15
09
00
15
02
00
15
05
15
00
00
00
00
00
125 JillyJill 94 1 15
03
00
15
09
15
15
02
00
00
15
05
00
00
00
00
00
126 JJA 84 1 15
03
00
00
15
20
00
00
00
00
00
00
00
00
15
16
00

Questions:

When my two daughters asked for tickets to a concert by . . .what rapper . . I handed them a dollar bill and said, "That should cover it."

Click to Reveal Answer
50 Cent

I support family farmers and shop at farmer's markets. I'm . . . what piece of math class equipment?

Click to Reveal Answer
Protractor

I once had a toy parrot made of artificial fabric. Her first name was what you would expect, but her middle name was the same as what Biblical queen?

Click to Reveal Answer
Esther

I went to the doctor to get stitches. They asked me my blood type. I looked down at the floor and said . . . what word, also the name of a sea?

Click to Reveal Answer
Red

The bouncy castle at this year's birthday party was more expensive than last year's because of . . . what sustained increase in the general price of goods and services?

Click to Reveal Answer
Inflation

I was delayed in starting to sing Scarborough Fair, so I couldn't go fast enough to get the second line out. What happened?

Click to Reveal Answer
I ran out of thyme.

Alcohol isn't a problem. It's . . . what kind of homogeneous mixture composed of two or more substances?

Click to Reveal Answer
Solution

Two men walk into a bar. The third one . . . impersonates a flock of what birds?

Click to Reveal Answer
Ducks

After the zombie apocalypse, I'm going to become a vegetarian. That way I'll only have to eat . . . what type of food, and that in 129.6 milligram bites?

Click to Reveal Answer
Grains

Had I succeeded in gathering enough crows, I might have faced the death penalty. Since I failed, I was only charged with what crime?

Click to Reveal Answer
Attempted murder

I was in a KFC with my family today and saw their sign, "Finger Ickin Good." I said, "Look, They've got their Christmas sign up." It was their Christmas sign because . . .

Click to Reveal Answer
No L

I tried to make a pencil with two erasers (and a quiz about Dad jokes), but it was . . . what BBC game show with Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman?

Click to Reveal Answer
Pointless