Dad Jokes by WilesB

Champion(s):

KaufmanK


Runner(s)-Up:

DiGeorgeL
It's not worth winning if you can't win big!


Quiz Description

WARNING: DO NOT PLAY THIS QUIZ. This quiz is designed to cause either immense frustration, or immense psychic pain. The more answers you get right, the more agonized groaning you can expect. Get 12/12 and friends/loved ones/co-workers may think you're passing a kidney stone. You have been warned. Every answer is the punchline to a Dad Joke of varying levels of infamy. Very little actual knowledge is needed for this quiz. You will need a little bit of lateral thinking and a lot of endurance. If you choose to play this quiz, you absolve the writer and the website of any liability for physical and/or psychic injury incurred in so doing. Answers are less "precisely-pinned trivia questions" and more "vaguely-associated punchlines." It will help you do well in this quiz if you are a Dad, or have a Dad, or read a lot of Laffy Taffy wrappers. And if you win, you will get no prize other than the eternal scorn of everyone you repeat these questions to. So play it if you must. But I advise against it.

Full Results:

Rank Player Total %ile 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
Money Value (% Incorrect): 03 15 09 20 02 26 05 32 73 22 16 31
1 KaufmanK 364 99 15
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2 DiGeorgeL 348 98 15
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3 LoveF 343 98 15
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4 PahuskiM 339 97 15
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5 WolfischL 338 96 15
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6 Projectyl 335 95 15
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7 PriceG 334 94 15
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8 jefe 326 94 15
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9 LuskT 325 93 15
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10 PopielinskiL 324 92 15
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10 KimberlinM 324 92 15
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12 ZellwegerS 321 90 15
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13 Adam 315 90 15
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14 CraneN 312 89 15
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15 EdwardsT 304 88 15
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15 WeaverR 304 88 15
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17 DixonD 294 86 15
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18 Pelc 292 86 15
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19 LongD 285 85 15
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20 Tablesaw 283 84 15
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20 letouj 283 84 15
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22 FrostL 281 82 15
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23 rstrata 279 82 15
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24 McGeeDean 278 80 15
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24 CondonNJ1 278 80 15
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26 PlotkinD 276 79 15
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27 WellsW 275 78 15
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27 EmilyT 275 78 15
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27 RustySpork 275 78 15
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30 SchroederS 273 76 15
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31 BenjaminJ 270 75 15
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32 SlickRick87 269 75 15
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33 barandall800 268 74 15
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34 Commodore 266 73 15
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35 PalmiterA 264 72 15
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35 NathanL 264 72 15
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37 GhostsDaddy 262 70 15
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37 SteevesR 262 70 15
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37 DuffyM 262 70 15
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40 OrrenH 258 67 15
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40 RoseM 258 67 15
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40 Mollmw 258 67 15
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43 brando3429 256 66 15
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44 dinghammer 255 64 15
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44 CorriereC 255 64 15
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44 Vintsanity 255 64 15
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47 AmmermanA 254 63 15
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48 DoyleE 253 61 15
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48 GrossB 253 61 15
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50 BradsDad 252 60 15
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50 Nuklhd 252 60 15
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52 Sijnaanik 250 59 15
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53 WangA 247 57 15
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53 HittM 247 57 15
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55 GrahamJ 246 56 15
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56 VenguswamyK 244 55 15
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57 JonesRW 243 54 15
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57 LanceJ 243 54 15
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59 ConnorA 242 53 15
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59 quarterrican 242 53 15
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61 SpoeriJ 241 51 15
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62 FryedBetaKappa 237 50 15
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62 SpencerJ2 237 50 00
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64 goroshnik 236 49 15
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64 HensleyB 236 49 15
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66 RobinJRichards 232 47 15
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66 cruzich 232 47 15
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68 leonard55 231 46 15
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68 SussmanM 231 46 15
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70 claysonh 230 44 15
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71 WeikleB 228 44 15
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72 KaneMH 227 42 15
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72 mellyjo 227 42 15
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72 SingerJ2 227 42 15
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75 SegalP 226 40 15
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75 AdamKing 226 40 15
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75 FultonE 226 40 15
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78 LewandowskiMJ 225 38 15
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79 jonah 223 37 15
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80 Hupfen 221 36 15
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81 Danielle 217 36 15
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82 WareD 216 35 15
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83 IrwinK 215 34 15
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84 Hawklaw 214 33 15
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85 WeaverL 212 32 15
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85 DosRemediosA 212 32 15
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85 Makdeezy 212 32 15
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88 chc 208 30 15
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89 OBrienJ 207 29 15
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90 Matto 206 28 15
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90 WeinbergJ 206 28 15
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92 Tarn 201 27 15
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93 KreitzerJ 200 25 15
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93 usuiw 200 25 15
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93 RuizJ 200 25 15
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96 BradburnA 199 23 15
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96 PolinskyL 199 23 15
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98 RaiaB 198 21 15
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98 Bix32 198 21 15
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98 wheelz 198 21 15
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101 randalleng 197 19 15
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101 LiptonM 197 19 15
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103 HatfieldS 191 18 15
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104 Bloo 188 17 15
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105 GaddCAnastasia 181 17 15
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106 Sharpj 180 15 15
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106 ReinholdH 180 15 15
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108 LinB 179 14 15
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109 Rebecca 178 13 15
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110 Alex 175 13 15
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111 MangaserA 174 12 15
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112 AllenJ 173 11 15
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113 FrankensteinP 171 10 15
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113 MrObvious 171 10 15
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115 HurleyH 166 9 15
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116 colonialrampage 164 8 15
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117 dragonfly 160 7 15
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118 musicguy595 154 6 00
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119 cbec 148 5 15
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120 Shosin 137 5 15
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121 HallR 133 4 15
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122 BClemens 128 3 00
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123 ElendilPickle 125 2 15
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124 MoyseyC 121 1 15
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125 JillyJill 94 1 15
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126 JJA 84 1 15
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Questions:

When my two daughters asked for tickets to a concert by . . .what rapper . . I handed them a dollar bill and said, "That should cover it."

Click to Reveal Answer
50 Cent

I support family farmers and shop at farmer's markets. I'm . . . what piece of math class equipment?

Click to Reveal Answer
Protractor

I once had a toy parrot made of artificial fabric. Her first name was what you would expect, but her middle name was the same as what Biblical queen?

Click to Reveal Answer
Esther

I went to the doctor to get stitches. They asked me my blood type. I looked down at the floor and said . . . what word, also the name of a sea?

Click to Reveal Answer
Red

The bouncy castle at this year's birthday party was more expensive than last year's because of . . . what sustained increase in the general price of goods and services?

Click to Reveal Answer
Inflation

I was delayed in starting to sing Scarborough Fair, so I couldn't go fast enough to get the second line out. What happened?

Click to Reveal Answer
I ran out of thyme.

Alcohol isn't a problem. It's . . . what kind of homogeneous mixture composed of two or more substances?

Click to Reveal Answer
Solution

Two men walk into a bar. The third one . . . impersonates a flock of what birds?

Click to Reveal Answer
Ducks

After the zombie apocalypse, I'm going to become a vegetarian. That way I'll only have to eat . . . what type of food, and that in 129.6 milligram bites?

Click to Reveal Answer
Grains

Had I succeeded in gathering enough crows, I might have faced the death penalty. Since I failed, I was only charged with what crime?

Click to Reveal Answer
Attempted murder

I was in a KFC with my family today and saw their sign, "Finger Ickin Good." I said, "Look, They've got their Christmas sign up." It was their Christmas sign because . . .

Click to Reveal Answer
No L

I tried to make a pencil with two erasers (and a quiz about Dad jokes), but it was . . . what BBC game show with Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman?

Click to Reveal Answer
Pointless